Time Flies.

So I'm not so great at committing. It's been over a year since I signed in. So instead of promising myself that I'm going to update it every day or every week, I'll just update when my heart desires.

Nikolas is now 1 year and 4 months old. I cannot believe how much time really does fly. When people would tell me to cherish every single minute of every single day I thought they were exaggerating. Having kids is such a weird experience. If it weren't for the pictures or videos from when he was born, I don't think I would really 'remember' him that way. When I close my eyes all I see is my adorable, almost a year and a half, smiling little nugget. He's brings so much laughter and joy into my life. He's walking and trying to talk and run and a million other things and I feel like I'm just getting older and life is passing me by. It's the oddest but most amazing experience.
I decided to update to do a little re-cap on the past year and it has been quite the year!

This was one of the first pictures that daddy took when he was only a few hours old. He was so alert and curious. I remember the first time I held him, his eyes locked on to me and I felt the most incredible sensation. It was like there were fireworks going off in my brain. At the same time I felt this carnal need to protect him. It was probably hormones, but every time someone would hold him I would sit there like an eagle staring them down thinking to myself, "Give me my baby back." I'm pretty sure I even cried a few times. It's so silly thinking back on it now but it felt so instinctive. 

He was two months and some change when I caught this gem on camera. When he started smiling I would feel like Alex Mac when she would turn into that silver goop stuff. It was heart warming and awe inspiring. All from a little ten pound baby. Just because of a little smile or coo here and there. I remember thinking, if this is how I feel over a little smile, what will happen when he actually starts hugging me and kissing me and saying he loves me? Well, it's safe to say that I've probably spontaneously combusted a few dozen times since. It's almost too much for one heart to take.

I LOVE this picture. I LOVE that gummy smile. I LOVE the big strong arms holding him. I LOVE everything this picture stands for.

 The older he gets, the more expressive his eyes are. The more they shine. The more he exuberates this light from within him. He's such a happy kid. He's so loving and has this kindness to him that I can't even explain. He's fun and gentle and rough all at the same time. He's such a boy. My boy.

He was SO happy at his first birthday party. He loved having a bunch of people fawning over him. At the same time he clung to me and his daddy the entire time! It was an awesome experience seeing him so curious over his toys and cake and everything else that comes with a birthday. 

It's mind boggling how quickly they grow. One day everything they need depends on you holding them, carrying them, feeding them. The next they are walking and talking and playing by themselves. It's really that quick. A blink of an eye would be an understatement.

Nikolas Alexander, you are amazing. You are a breath of fresh air. You always smell like the best cotton candy in the world. Your laugh warms the coldest hearts. I am so proud to be your mother.

& to think, this was you...

Mind boggling, I tell you.