Time Flies.

So I'm not so great at committing. It's been over a year since I signed in. So instead of promising myself that I'm going to update it every day or every week, I'll just update when my heart desires.

Nikolas is now 1 year and 4 months old. I cannot believe how much time really does fly. When people would tell me to cherish every single minute of every single day I thought they were exaggerating. Having kids is such a weird experience. If it weren't for the pictures or videos from when he was born, I don't think I would really 'remember' him that way. When I close my eyes all I see is my adorable, almost a year and a half, smiling little nugget. He's brings so much laughter and joy into my life. He's walking and trying to talk and run and a million other things and I feel like I'm just getting older and life is passing me by. It's the oddest but most amazing experience.
I decided to update to do a little re-cap on the past year and it has been quite the year!

This was one of the first pictures that daddy took when he was only a few hours old. He was so alert and curious. I remember the first time I held him, his eyes locked on to me and I felt the most incredible sensation. It was like there were fireworks going off in my brain. At the same time I felt this carnal need to protect him. It was probably hormones, but every time someone would hold him I would sit there like an eagle staring them down thinking to myself, "Give me my baby back." I'm pretty sure I even cried a few times. It's so silly thinking back on it now but it felt so instinctive. 

He was two months and some change when I caught this gem on camera. When he started smiling I would feel like Alex Mac when she would turn into that silver goop stuff. It was heart warming and awe inspiring. All from a little ten pound baby. Just because of a little smile or coo here and there. I remember thinking, if this is how I feel over a little smile, what will happen when he actually starts hugging me and kissing me and saying he loves me? Well, it's safe to say that I've probably spontaneously combusted a few dozen times since. It's almost too much for one heart to take.

I LOVE this picture. I LOVE that gummy smile. I LOVE the big strong arms holding him. I LOVE everything this picture stands for.

 The older he gets, the more expressive his eyes are. The more they shine. The more he exuberates this light from within him. He's such a happy kid. He's so loving and has this kindness to him that I can't even explain. He's fun and gentle and rough all at the same time. He's such a boy. My boy.

He was SO happy at his first birthday party. He loved having a bunch of people fawning over him. At the same time he clung to me and his daddy the entire time! It was an awesome experience seeing him so curious over his toys and cake and everything else that comes with a birthday. 

It's mind boggling how quickly they grow. One day everything they need depends on you holding them, carrying them, feeding them. The next they are walking and talking and playing by themselves. It's really that quick. A blink of an eye would be an understatement.

Nikolas Alexander, you are amazing. You are a breath of fresh air. You always smell like the best cotton candy in the world. Your laugh warms the coldest hearts. I am so proud to be your mother.

& to think, this was you...

Mind boggling, I tell you.

Fresh Start.

It's been almost four months since my world has been turned completely upside down. Four months since my whole reason for living changed drastically. Four months since I found true happiness.
Being a mother is the most exquisite adventure anyone can ever be blessed to have.
When Nikolas was first born, I wasn't sure what my life would be like. Honestly, I wasn't even sure if I would be a good mother or if I would like being a mother. It took me a while to settle in but I finally feel comfortable with where I am. My son is the most amazing little person. It's so bizarre how quickly they learn new things. Last month he was barely smiling at people. Today, he laughs, interacts and expresses himself with squeals of delight and kicks of joy. It's only been 30 days since he started really socializing. It absolutely stumps me that something so little and fragile is at the same time so strong and intelligent. The first 2 months with him was stressful. He was jaundiced so he was taken off breast milk. Then he was put back on it. Then taken off again, and so on. We discovered he was also lactose intolerant (not to men. After realizing it was my breast milk that he couldn't properly digest we went through a non stop formula switching fiasco. Finally we found something that worked for him and it's been smooth sailing since.
And now, without further interruptions, I would like you all to meet my babe; Nikolas Alexander!

P.S- By the end of my pregnancy I had totally given up on this blog, if you couldn't tell. I had these huge plans and ideas to take this blog in a really awesome direction, giving readers a view on what it's like to raise a baby at a young age. I wanted to have this as some sort of diary, a memoir, so that I could look back on it years from now. I'm returning to finish what I started :)

Introducing little Nikolas!

I cannot for the life of me believe that the last time I updated I still had 55 days to go. My baby is already going to be a month old! I know, I'm terrible. So much for documenting every little detail of my pregnancy. Truth be told towards the end all I cared about was eating and sleeping much like a hibernating bear. Heres the deets though, I gave birth to my little pumpkin on March 16th, 2011 at 2:45am via Cesarian. Yes he was a bit early. No he was not the giant 8-10lb monster we all thought he would be. My little prince was only 6lbs 15oz. He was absolutely perfect and stole my heart from the second I heard his little cry.
The night he was born started off like any other night. I was laying in bed watching TV stuffing my face before going to sleep when I started having some intense back pains. I told my husband about it and he of course immediately starting freaking out. As they got worst I decided to just go ahead and head off to the hospital but before I left I took a quick shower. On our way to the hospital I thought that I may have overreacted a little and that this was just probably some silly pain that had nothing to do with the baby. When I got to the hospital they hooked me up to their tons of monitors and I kept asking them if they were going to admit me but they were all so vague about it. They had an ultrasound tech come and see how the baby was positioned and of course he was breech.
All of a sudden they starting prepping me for a C-Section and at 2:45am you were born!
I know, I'm so great with going into details but you know, being home with an 'almost' one month old has a way of making sure that you do whatever you need to do quickly and I really wanted to at least update this.
Anyway, being at home with a newborn can be so exhausting on some days. Especially days like today where he does everything he can to not sleep so he's super cranky and when I finally do get him to sleep he decides to wake up within an hour. Oh the joys of parenting.
Other days, he's a perfect angel and the day goes by so smoothly.
I do want to eat his little piggy toes every day though.
Basically, I love being a mother and I never thought I could really love someone so much. Cliche, but true. He's my entire universe and I can't even imagine my life without him. He's the greatest blessing in my life.
& now, mommy duty calls!